Saturday, June 2, 2012

Reunification Therapy Dreams

My ex had said again he would take our daughter for reunification therapy with me. He had said that back around Christmas time to get me to sign for her I kept on him about it. But yet I am the mother who doesn't want to see her kids. Who doesn't care about them. The mother of a daughter who told the friend of a friend, "My mom doesn't love me, doesn't care about me." God, it is so hard to write those words . Nothing could be further from the truth. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my kids. I found a reunification therapist--which is hard to is a specialization and not a lot of therapist do it. I talked with her, told her I hadn't seen my daughter in five years, no it was not court-ordered currently (although it had been at the time of our separation and divorce), and that my ex had agreed he would take her--again. The therapist asked, "What makes you think he'll do it this time?" I said I really didn't think he would, but I had to try anyway. She discussed with me what she would do in the event that he did take her. She said she would first see my daughter alone, and that there was the chance my daughter would not want to see me, would not agree to have me come into therapy. I said that was ok, of course that's not what I wanted, but I wanted to get help for my daughter. She said she would need my ex's consent as well as mine to see my daughter because she was a minor. Could I get that consent from him or would I prefer that she talk to him. I said he would probably prefer to talk to her instead of me. We set up a several potential tentative appointment in order to give him many options. She then said that I could give her information to my ex-husband, and I also gave her his number. She said to tell him that if she didn't hear from him by Friday that she would call him. This was Wednesday. I texted my ex-husband all of the information that Wednesday afternoon. Within an hour he called the therapist. I had told her he would. I said he would love to talk to her so he could tell her all about me, how awful I was. She chuckled. She had been doing reunification therapy for quite a long time. He then set up an appointment with the therapist which were none of the dates I had offered. She called me after she had spoken with him. She told me she had stressed to him the importance of getting help for my daughter, even if the sessions did not include me, so that she could have some resolution with things. She also stressed how this could negatively impact all her future relationships. He did set up a date. I agreed to it. Also I would be paying for this therapy out of pocket. $200 a session. I really didn't (and don't) have the money, but I would figure out a way. (Since my divorce I have been broke.) I told the therapist any date he set was fine, I would show up. In desperation. Desperation just to look at my daughter. See her in person. See her walk by into the therapist's office. He soon canceled the appointment. He said our daughter had an orthodontist appointment. He told the therapist, not me. He said he would check with his daughter and see what dates were good for her. This took another week. He then set another date. Which in a day or so he canceled too. This time he said she had finals. She is a sophmore in high school. I didn't even know they had finals. The therapist then set another date with him. Each time she called me to let me know of the appointment and the subsequent cancellation. This next time he canceled he said she had honors classes that went late, something like that. I texted about a week later to tell him to pick any date and time that was good for him and I would be there. He did not respond for many days. I texted the same message again. About three days later I got a text stating, "We will not be going with____. You will have to pick another therapist that is closer." I texted back asking him where he would like the location to be. Again, no response. I waited awhile and texted again. A part of me was telling myself the whole time, don't get your hopes up, he is never going to take her. He is going to do his best to keep the kids away from you forever. Again, I called asking the location he preferred. I have actually called rather than texted many times. He does not answer and I don't know really why I try. I keep hoping if he answers I can talk sense into him, plead my case. And again a huge part of me says, talking to him will only make you feel crazy. On the off chance that he would answer, he would tell you how wrong you are, or be manipulative and try to make you believe he is so reasonable and the situation is all the kids' choice. I researched and found another reunification therapist a few miles from his house. She did not seem as experienced as the first one, but she was close. He texted back that he was on a business trip and would contact me when he returned. I was wondering, what business? As soon as we separated he began taking 'business trips' all the time. I suppose it's possible, but last I knew he was a trash man. With a weapons business on the side. Yes, weapons. He is a licensed FFL gun dealer. That is why when we separated and he threatened to kill me, people were actually afraid. He had, locked in a gun safe, about 25 guns. Anyway, no call after this 'business' trip. And I don't expect there will be one. I suppose I have false hope. He will take her to therapy. She will suddenly want me in her life. She will not feel she is betraying her father. The years of brainwashing will be erased from her mind. But no call. Just canceled appointments. The knife twisted in the wound.