Saturday, May 26, 2012

Another Un-Mother's Day...some hope

Another Mother's Day came and went. Without a word from my kids. I've come to dread Mother's Day. Just like I dread every holiday now. Including my children's birthdays. Because I know I will feel sad, I will be depressed. I will feel even more empty inside. The emptiness will seem as deep and ravaging as though someone I loved dearly had just died. And that is how I felt every day at first. Now it has lessened. These days there may be few hours that pass when I don't think about my kids. But still my children are always there..on my aching in my heart. And I'M SICK of hearing myself talk about this subject. Yes, I don't have my kids. I haven't seen them in five years. Now my sons are 19 and 21. Poor me, poor me. I am the broken record player, the needle stuck in the same groove...on and on...nothing changes...I am on repeat, over and over. I haven't wanted to write on this blog for a while because nearly every time I do, I cry. I hate to think about the situation. I feel the absence of the missed years with my kids. I am stuck in 2007. My children are still 11, 14 and 16 to me. And I still feel as though I am bound and caged, powerless to help them. I can see them from my jail cell, and I stick my hands through the bars but I cannot reach them. I watch them being hurt and abused and I struggle against the bars but I am powerless to help them. I have been crippled from doing my job as their mother. I now know I will live no matter how much pain this has caused me or continues to cause me. I guess that is the hope. And I can convey that to others. I spoke with a grandmother the other day. Her daughter is in a similar situation to mine. Her daughter's ex-husband sounds very similar to mine. The grandmother misses her grandson terribly, worries about him. He is ten, almost eleven. (The age my daughter was when I saw her last.) It has been eight months since she's seen her grandson. Part of me wanted to say, "Eight months?! That's nothing! Try five years!" Of course, I didn't. I told her she wasn't alone. I told her I felt for her pain. I wanted to tell her to have hope that she'll see him again...but I didn't. I don't know if she will. When at first I didn't see my kids for a few weeks it was agonizing. I kept praying, any day now, I'll see them. I'll talk to them. It didn't happen. Weeks became months. Months became a year. A year became five years. And I know for a teenager, five years is a lifetime. So the only hope I could give her was the small hope I have. That the pain will lessen with time.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Parental Alienation Support shared a link. Monday April 25 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day These are characteristics of an alienated child. 1Like · · Share 2 people like this. Parental Alienation Support ‎"I am a psychotherapist who has treated families affected by parental alienation for many years in King of Prussia, PA. I also am a woman. I also am a mom. I also am a targeted parent. There are as many mothers as fathers who come to me with lives profoundly scarred by this terrible form of psychological child abuse. Women are equally as vulnerable as men and deserve our support and understanding. " The article offers a lot of informed responses to misinformation-- evidenced by comments that stem from the tender years presumption. Monday at 11:27pm ·