I am home today. It's Sunday. And quiet.
Sundays used to be loud around my house. Keegan, my middle son, was especialy loud. This used to drive his dad crazy, who was also loud. If it was just me and Levi in the house there would not be a sound.
My daughter Tanith used to hum while she was busy doing something. She hummed while she drew, while she played her video games. Her humming was reassuring to me. It was a conststant low pitch, hmmmmmmmm, like a low motor. Didn't falter, didn't waver. It represented she was doing something constructive, and most significantly--not bothering her brothers. I could hear her in her room,hmmmmm, hmmmm. She might be dressing her stuffed animals, coloring, playing a video game, hmmmm.
Levi also hummed also for a very long time.
It started when he was a toddler. When he was around 18 months old he would line up his matchbox cars along the edge of the coffee table and hum. He hummed while he ate, too. He hummed as he was engaged in this repetitive activity, and it signifed to me as his mother that he was not in trouble, he was not hurting himself, he was engaged in an activity such as rearranging cars, or his Thomas the Tank Engine trains and I could hear this sound of humming from another room and know he was ok. He stopped humming as a teenager. Years of telling him not to hum (especially while eating, had little effect.)
The sound of Levi's humming , and then Tanith's was soothing to me. It was like reassuring white noise. We later found out the Kime side of the family had many other hummers.
When Keegan was born he was a differnt story altogether. He was a happy, cuddly baby. But he was also loud. He roared. We called him "Keegie-saurus" from a young age. He was talking by 14 months and never stopped. The first word he said was "brother." That progressed to "Levi, Levi, Levi!" And he never stopped talking to Levi or about him, trying to get his older brother's attention. As Keegan became a teenager he was always yelling at Levi to shut up, or telling Tanith to go away, or yelling at his video game. He was either boisterously happy or angry. He was not quiet unless he was asleep.
I miss my children's sounds. Even Keegan yelling, "Levi, shut up!" I'm pretty sure Tanith doesn't hum anymore. She was highly self-conscious already, at eleven years old, and very aware of socially acceptable behavior. Especially of my behavior. She'd say things to me like, "Mom, are you going to wear that?!" Or, "Mom, you talk weird." I'm guessing that was the heading into the being embarrassed of your parents stage. So far, I've missed that stage.
Today it is silent. And I miss the sound of my children. I miss everything about my children. I even miss Tanith criticizing my every move. "Mom, why are you doing that?!"